Ten Commandments for the 21st Century

As dictated by Google Translate

Quick, someone grab some stone tablets

What happens when you put the Bible’s 10 commandments through Google Translate multiple times? Epic blasphemy? Probably. A plague of locusts descending upon the North East? So far, so locust-free, but hey – Serious Adverse Circumstances anyone? Eternal damnation? OK, time to stop, this is getting old.

What actually happens is a string of rather hilarious mistranslations, often twisting the original sacred message into something completely different, something even more insane, and, dare I say it, something much more interesting.

Translated through numerous languages, many belonging to different language families, what pops out when we translate it back into English is barely recognisable as what went in.

So, without further ado, let’s embark on our quasi-blasphemous linguistic journey, with the real 10 commandments in brackets for ease of comparison and increased lollage.

1. I usually have my God and the other gods (I am the Lord your God, you shall have no other God before me)

2. It is cool to be yourself (You shall not make for yourself an idol)

3. Use a pseudonym, saying, the Lord your God (You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God)

4. Don’t forget maintain Saturday (Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy)

5. He is mum and dad (Honour your father and your mother)

6. You need to kill (You shall not murder)

7. Adultery is wrong (You shall not commit adultery)

8. Do not use (You shall not steal)

9. Testimony is a lie (You shall not give false testimony)

10. A number of houses and sugar water (You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbour)

Er, WHAT? That was surreal… Hands up who thinks we should live by these re-vamped 10 Commandments? Number 2 seems pretty awesome – it is cool to be yourself. And is number 5 (he is mum AND dad) a little nod of approval towards the breaking down of strict gender roles? Definitely applaudable.

Number 6 (you need to kill) seems a bit contradictory though and number 10 is just bat-crap crazy (a number of houses and sugar water, A NUMBER OF HOUSES AND SUGAR WATER?!) but hey – it wouldn’t be religion without it.

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