If I were one of those self-obsessed, shallow and unprofessional editors who put their need for public self-affirmation above their editorial duties, I probably would have taken the opportunity to use this column as a platform for petty, nationalistic boasting. This space would then be utilized exclusively to point out how my native Norway, a country with the population of London spread out over an area three times the size of England, seem to have ended up as winners of the Winter Olympics.
If I were to embark on this crusade of bragging, I would also have to admit that we faced stiff competition in the top of the medal table, with Russia actually coming ahead of us on the gold medal count. One imagines that this fact could be countered off-handedly by pointing to the fact that two of their gold medals were won by a Korean who conveniently enough became a Russian citizen just prior to the olympics; and that the Russians in general are fueled by a passionate homophobic rage that no other liberal, democratic nation can compete with. A snide remark could also have been made pointing out the irony in how Russia has had their greatest success in figureskating, a sport gayer than Ricky Martin in a floral bonnet.
Because I am well above this sort of trivial swaggering, I will merely take this opportunity to draw your attention to the fact that one of the most important sporting events in the world has gone by, and we won it. Sort of. At least we mopped the floor with Sweden, which, when all is said and done, is what really matters.