Question: I cheated on my boyfriend in a club and I don’t know what to do. I love him so much and I regret it more than anything, I wish it never happened but it did and I’m torn. My boyfriend has no idea this happened (he doesn’t go to Durham and we don’t have mutual friends). I’m tempted to not tell him and pretend it never happened, but I feel so guilty hiding it from him. What should I do?
Answer: The very first thing you need to do is assess whether you actually do love your boyfriend, because it does not sound as though you do. Perhaps there’s something else you love, such as intimacy and connection, as opposed to your actual boyfriend. Seriously do take a moment to sit down and assess – ask yourself whether you actually want to be with your boyfriend, or if you just want to be with someone in general. You’re in a long distance relationship which maybe isn’t right for you, and having a boyfriend in Durham instead may better suit what you need.
However, if you do decide that you still want to be with him, then you absolutely need to tell him what happened. I believe nothing is truly unforgivable, and telling him what happened may not even end in a breakup. His feelings will inevitably be shattered, and it may take a while for your relationship to return to a good, healthy stage – if this ever happens, but not telling him is not an option, it’s unfair on him and it will ruin your relationship even more overtime. Trust and communication is the foundation to any successful relationship, and you need to prove to him that you know this and are willing to rebuild it again. He deserves honesty, and he deserves your apology.
It may take time for your relationship to be stable again. Prove to him that this relationship is still what you want and that you won’t have the same desire to cheat again, and there is a chance for your relationship to rebuild. Don’t expect him to forgive you and trust you immediately – be patient, transparent, and loving, and overtime he might believe in you again.
Featured image: taken by Bjorn Pierre on Unsplash