A giant squid, and other worthy uses of Covid grants

I’m sure by now we’ve all seen the most important news story of this week – no, not the election coverage or the Bill Gates divorce drama (riveting as it is), but rather something of a maritime miracle. Naturally, it is of course the giant squid statue that recently made its inkredible debut in the coastal town of Noto, Japan. But the even fishier side to this story is how it was funded; the town used 25 million yen (£164,700) from an emergency Covid relief grant. A worthy cause, I’m sure you’d agree.

It would seem though that not everyone is so sure of this worthy cause, with many up in arms (8 to be exact) about the town’s decision to invest emergency funds into what is essentially 13 meters of glorified fish. It begs the question: what constitutes ‘worthy’? In case you’re struggling to think, here are 7 ideas for worthy uses of emergency Covid grants.

1. Tuition fee refunds

As we approach exam season equipped with naught but an extensive lack of knowledge, Zoom-fatigue and questionable haircuts, who can blame us for wondering what on earth we’re paying £9250 for? An extra £164,700 would give us all a partial refund of £8.13 each. Happy, happy days.

2. Potatoes for all

Livers-in and out alike can all unite in a common love for potatoes – what better way to spend a small fortune than by filling the Klute-shaped holes in our hearts with little warm balls of earthy goodness. Dreamy.

3. A Klute night out

Speaking of Klute, a contribution towards that post-Covid night out certainly wouldn’t go amiss. Jägerbombs followed by cheesy chips anyone?

4. A better no-detriment policy

Could £164,700 buy us back our pre-Covid grades? Or at least more considerate marking and fewer expectations for us to perform as well as in a normal year? No? Worth a try.

5. Banana bread ingredients

As you can imagine, emergency Covid fund means essential items only. Naturally, this does include food, so by extension also includes ingredients for banana bread. If you’d like to revisit this lockdown staple for old time’s sake, have a look at how to make it in classic lockdown style here.

6. All the college toasties that money can buy

Imagine it now: you’ve made the rounds of the college bars and wind up with a mozzarella and tomato toastie at no cost to you whatsoever. All that awaits you now is an awe-inspiring experience of the taste buds and maybe even a trip to Klute. Life is good.

7. Covid perks

Despite desperately longing for the days of Covid to be over, it cannot be denied that Covid has had its perks – namely the longer lie-ins and permanent excuse not to socialise. If £164,700 could keep that going for a little longer, then sign me up.


Featured image: by Frédéric BISSON on Flickr with license.

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