Another lockdown, another banana bread

When the going gets tough and the times get weary, it’s important to lean on those we trust the most. If the previous two lockdowns have taught us anything, it’s that banana bread is perhaps our only constant in these tumultuous times. But how will lockdown 3.0 change our relationship with this godly staple? Keep reading to find out how to make a lockdown banana bread like never before.

Step 1

Optimistically buy two bunches of bananas to kick-start your third attempt at a lockdown health drive.

Step 2

After a week of empty promises and no fruit eaten, accept defeat and let the bananas go brown. It’s probably best to turn off Joe Wicks while you’re at it – time to get realistic.

Step 3

Despite promising yourself ‘never again’, you’re back searching up banana bread recipes. After reading through the life stories of various baker-bloggers, you finally settle on one.

Image: Personal Creations on Flickr.

Step 4

Get out your ingredients. You will need:

250g all-purpose flour
110g unsalted butter (softened in the microwavé à la Nigella)
130g brown sugar
85g plain yoghurt
4 bananas, mashed
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
1 pinch of salt
½ teaspoon cinnamon

Along with:

A vague sense of a will to live
A healthy dose of optimism
Tissues for the tears (or tiers)
100ml of your favourite spirit

Step 5

Preheat the oven to 180°C and grease your baking tin. Channel any pent-up Boris rage while whisking the flour, bicarbonate of soda and cinnamon together in a medium bowl. At this point you should also add your salt. As a general guide, add about as much salt as support you’ve received from your university this pandemic.

Step 6

In a large bowl, beat the butter and brown sugar together, before adding the eggs, yoghurt, bananas and vanilla extract. Mix further, before measuring out 50ml of your chosen spirit. Knock it back nice and quickly, and don’t hesitate to have the other 50ml if needed – these are trying times.

Image: Kevin Doncaster on Flickr.

Step 7

Next, slowly stir your flour mixture into the contents of your larger bowl. Be careful not to overmix, but if you do, blame the government and have another shot.

Step 8

Carefully spoon your mixture into your baking tin, cover loosely with tinfoil and bake for 30 minutes. Then, uncover and bake for a further 30-35 minutes. While your banana bread is baking, hope to God that this all ends soon and have your second cry of the day. Insert a knife into your bread to see if it is ready; if the knife comes out clean then you’re good to go!

Image: Jo del Corro on Flickr.

Step 9

Lastly, be sure to take to Instagram to share your unique lockdown creation with the world – it’s important that people know just how lovely a time you’re having.

You can store this lockdown treat for up to a week, or alternatively freeze for later confinement crises or the unlikely event of a global pandemic.


Featured image: Jo del Corro on Flickr.

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