Valentine season is fast approaching again. The time which brings dread to the single, excitement for the couples and anxiety for those in ‘situationships’. But is it really that simple and straight forward for those in relationships. Does having a boyfriend or girlfriend automatically mean you have a valentine? To be a valentine do you have to be asked? What even is a valentine? Why do we choose to celebrate love on February 14^th?

Well to answer these questions I think we should consider where this entire tradition began. Just like anything involving love, there doesn’t seem to be a simple answer. From Ancient Roman fertility festivals to Chaucer’s poetry resonating the day with birds mating season; it seems February 14^th has been associated with love and relationships for many centuries now. However, one of the most popular stories, which has the most potential to be romantically embellished, is that of Saint Valentine.  Legend has it, while imprisoned and awaiting his death, Valentine fell in love with and even cured the blindness of the jailer’s daughter who regularly visited him. In his final letter to his lover, on his execution date of February 14^th, he signed it “From your Valentine”. And to top it all off – the crime he was imprisoned for? Illegally officiating marriages for soldiers. He really does seem to have earned his status of the saint of love. 

So, the act of asking someone to be their valentine does seem to be an established grand romantic gesture. Even if you weren’t aware of its history until now, in modern society there’s certainly a general importance given it. Discourse online and conversation in my own life determines that being a valentine should still be a proposal and not an assumption. But, in an era which has undoubtedly commercialised the romantic day, do we still need to stand by its traditional origins. February 14^th today is more defined by romantic dinners, cute teddy bear, the colour pink – for the most part traditional courtship is out. Maybe a lucky few will receive a handwritten love letter or even a poem so does this mean the idea of asking someone to be your valentine should be out as well?

I think it’s safe to say Valentines Day is not about an extensive confession of love from the death bed or even being bombarded with chocolate and roses. The foundation of the tradition that still stands today is making your partner feel seen and loved. Of course, in a happy healthy relationship you should feel this everyday but the day-to-day stresses and monotony can get in the way of this. Valentine’s day gives the opportunity to appreciate your love and show that you care. The simple gesture of asking your partner to be your valentine, instead of just assuming, achieves this. So, make sure to make your loved one’s feel seen this Valentines, and platonic or romantic appreciate all the love around you.