New Years Resolutions for Historical Figures

2015 may have only just started, but New Year’s Resolutions are already starting to break down. Brand new gym memberships have been used once, that pile of seminar reading just isn’t taking notes by itself and, let’s face it, after that first glass of champagne at midnight on New Year’s Eve, Dry January just wasn’t going to happen. But if that all sounds horribly familiar, then don’t worry: you’re not alone. Here are some resolutions that famous names from history (possibly) made and most certainly should have worked harder to keep, or should make for 2015:

Napoleon Bonaparte

Napoleon Bonaparte: Check the weather forecast before booking a trip to Russia.

Tsar Nicholas II of Russia: Make sure Rasputin’s employment references and home remedy claims are legit.

Achilles: Find a new shoemaker; leather cut-out sandals aren’t going to work for S/S 2015.

Richard Nixon: Remember, wire tapping never did anyone any harm.

Marie Antoinette: No more cake! Switch to a gluten-free diet, an Atkins diet or a Paleo Diet.

Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln: Ask Daniel Day-Lewis how he does it.

Julius Caesar: Catch up with Brutus over an amphora of wine, and find out if it’s true that any salad can be a Caesar salad if you serve it with a knife.

Thomas Wolsey: Don’t tell Henry VIII that the annulment is in the bag.

F. Scott Fitzgerald: Give Zelda back her diaries and meditate daily on the mantra; plagiarism does not begin at home.

Queen Victoria: Smile…because the whole world will stop and stare for a while.

Leave a Reply