Perspective: Alabama Rapist-Vigilantes Wield Evil Powers for Greater Good

Off to give the gift of life. Credit Joe Bielawa / Flickr.

“I mean, historically I guess rapists as a population haven’t been viewed very positively,” commented registered Alabama sex offender Jim Baker*. “People don’t really understand our way of life. It can be tough, sometimes, on the dating scene. Like women kicking us in the balls or using pepper spray, that sort of thing.”

Jim is just one of the rapists affected by Alabama’s new Abortion Law, which criminalizes all abortions except those that threaten the mother’s life – including pregnancies resulting from rape or incest. He says the law is a positive step toward a more holistic understanding of the sex offending population.

“I feel like the world is finally starting to recognize our actions for what they are,” agreed fellow rapist and domestic abuser Mark Flannigan* when I asked him about the bill. Mark lives around the corner from Jim, just outside of the designated elementary school zone. “We are giving the gift of life. I think a lot of people don’t understand that. While our means may be unorthodox, even unethical, in the end it’s all about God’s will. And we grossly misinterpret His will to mean sexual violence against women.”

This is a side of the debate that the increasingly biased left-wing media seldom covers.  Some guys I met at the bar agreed: “All life is precious,” one of them said. A public directive does not get clearer than this.

“All told,” pro-life OB/GYN Carl Floyd told me, “It comes down to a very simple question: What is more important: the biological independence of half the country or what I, an older white male with disproportionate power, decide after a little think?”

The law passed this week in an overwhelming 25-6 state senate vote, though it is expected to be challenged by lower courts. Proponents hope the fight for life will eventually reach the Supreme Court and go on to challenge long-standing precedents on access to abortion.

In closing, the message from the Alabama state legislator seems clear: “Roe v Wade Can Suck My Tiny, Erectiley Dysfunctional Dick.”

 

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