Colin and Cuthbert: star-cross’d lovers?

“Two households, both alike in dignity, 

In fair Corona, where we lay our scene, 

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, 

Where caterpillar blood makes caterpillar hands unclean.” 

 

We’ve all borne witness to the M&S – Aldi spat this week, but in the midst of all the memes, something about this battle for caterpillar custody feels all too familiar… and no, before you ask, it is not the rides on [Cuthbert’s] coat-tails”, as so cynically suggested by M&S. Rather, the similarities of this larval lawsuit lie in no other than Shakespeare’s tragic tale, Romeo and Juliet.

 

“The fearful passage of dear Aldi’s love, 

And the continuance of M&S rage, 

Which, but their caterpillars’ ends, nought could remove, 

Is now the plight to #freeCuthbert from his cage.” 

 

It would seem that M&S and Aldi could learn a thing or two from the Montagues and Capulets, namely that one should not have to doom the fate of one’s children to resolve a trivial dispute. Family therapists have corroborated this, stating quite frankly that the two supermarket giants should keep their children out of this petty feud.

 

“Deny thy father and refuse thy name.

“What’s in a name? That which we call Colin 
By any other name would taste as sweet.”

 

As so wisely put by Juliet, is a name really worthy of a global feud? As she says, it’s not the name, but rather what’s inside that matters. Let’s look past the names to see that they’re both just some tasty caterpillar cake at the end of the day. Apparently Juliet really was the only character with any sense in the entire play (let’s ignore the final scene).

 

“Sups the fair Rosaline whom thou so loves”

 

We have every faith that Colin and Cuthbert shall prevail, but if worse comes to worst, Aldi, you could always give Colin his Rosaline; time for #kevinthecarrotcake to make a reappearance? Perhaps then one of them would survive the play…

I’m sure that littérateurs and cake-enthusiasts alike would agree that the overarching message of Romeo and Juliet is that we ought to make cake, not war. So, whether your loyalties lie with team Cuthbert or team Colin, let us at least find common ground in the hope that our nation’s favourite caterpillars do not meet as ill-fated a demise as their Shakespearean counterparts. 

 

“For never was a story of more woe,

Than this of Cuthbert and his Colino.”

 

Featured image: Ben Sutherland on Flickr

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