With Christmas comes the all-important task of deciding which family argument you’ll be having this year. 2020 has been a busy one, so to help you narrow it down, here are some tried and tested Christmas conflicts.
1. The religious nan
You’re awoken by your nan at 8am sharp as she tries to haul you all to church. I’d rather drink to forget my sins thanks, Nan.
2. Post-present clutter
Mum orders a military-level cleaning operation. Dad hides and gets a rollicking. Chaos ensues.
3. The truth about Father Christmas
Apparently, it is no longer acceptable to tell young siblings that Father Christmas is nothing but a capitalist ploy. The kids are crying and your mum is looking at you with disgust.
4. The premature drunk
Someone overdoes it before noon and words like “disgraceful” and “embarrassing” are being thrown around. Passive aggression soon turns into confrontation and before you know it, an argument is born.
5. The deserter
12pm comes around and your brother is nowhere to be seen. Someone lets slip that he’s sodded off to the pub. Mum goes spare and murder is definitely not off the cards.
6. Christmas dinner prep
Plenty of arguments to be had here; there’s the person who didn’t lift a finger, the dad who did the potatoes all wrong and the turkey that’s half-raw. And, just to add salt to the wound, someone’s botched up the gravy. Christmas is ruined.
7. Yorkshire puds
Dinner is finally served but lacking its most important component: the Yorkshire pudding. In its place is betrayal and disappointment. After a frosty exchange of crackers, nobody offers to wash up and all hell breaks loose.
8. The Queen’s speech
3pm. With your hunger satiated by a cracking (if slightly tardy) Christmas din, you’re ready for some light afternoon watching. To your great dismay, however, your sister got to the TV remote first and is insisting on watching the Queen’s speech. As a family of anti-royalists, she has some bloody nerve.
9. The Christmas day walk
Nobody can decide where to go for a walk. Someone tries to get out of going and you then get shouted at for not being able to predict the weather conditions or terrain. All in all, a successful, albeit icy, affair.
10. Someone gets political
A fool-proof way of starting an argument, turning the conversation political is guaranteed to get people grumbling, griping, and groaning. Bonus points if your right-wing uncle came to visit this year.
11. The great COVID debate
Source out the family conspiracist and subtly bring up COVID. Your radical, justice-warrior of a sister will have a field day.
12. Someone cheated at cards
What started as a civil and sophisticated game of cards has quickly descended into unabated chaos. Accusations of cheating are rife, with everyone on the defensive. Best to abandon the cards and whip out the Monopoly.
13. The old family feud
If you’re really struggling to find Christmas conflict, then bringing up an old family feud works a treat. Uncle Sam got drunk and kissed the wrong sister? Golden, bring it up.
Featured image: athriftymrs.com on Flickr