You were always who you were

you were always who you were, 
soft-spoken, small smile, kind eyes
I would look at you for years,
only to find it wasn’t enough
with your checked shirt and books in the bag you bought just for me
there was something missing within me that didn’t make it quite right
but I smiled and nodded my head and carried on,
waiting for a moment where it would feel right. no matter how long it took

how long does it take for someone to erode from you?
how do lovers undo each other?
I’ll take the Polaroid down of you in my room,
And pack it safely away in a memory box
In my head I’ll pack away the moments and seal them to a darkened corner of my mind
Like a box in the attic, next to the Christmas lights,
Only to be picked out every couple of seasons
Maybe you’ll put away the clothes I bought you,
And put on your headphones to drown out the noise of the ‘what ifs’
You were always who you were 
Without a need to change
How do I undo myself from somebody
Who has the same smile and gaze from the beginning of our days?
How do I let go of you, lover, when I hoped for you for so long?

Image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons under the Creative Commons License

URL: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Polaroid-Camera.jpg

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