As a matter of course, some friendships start fiercely. These relationships are made in flat kitchens, first lectures, and times of need. During the first term, the people we meet along the way may seem like our ‘ride-or-dies’. But does that connect to reality? As weeks pass, a placid shift occurs. Messages slow. Plans stop materialising, and commitment suddenly seems exhausting. These friendships don’t explode but rather fade, like a dwindling fire.
Role of University Culture
University culture often popularises the notion that significant friendships are meant to last a lifetime. While that perception is not entirely wrong, there are nuances which prove otherwise. We recognise and celebrate our ‘day one people’ and lifelong connections, but sometimes look past the micro-relationships that shape us into the individual we are today. The real question is, are all significant friendships meant to last till the end, or do some serve their purpose, give us our lesson, and inherently leave our lives?
Some may exist for a moment or two, but could leave a mark that no year-long relationship ever could.
Inevitable Companionships
Countless long-term friendships may be born out of proximity rather than deep compatibility. Perhaps sharing the same accommodation, attending similar societies, or being allocated the same lecture groups are catalysts for building closeness. Intimacy can feel inevitable in such situations. However, nothing lasts forever; once timetables change and schedules begin to differ, the foundation starts to seem a little shaky. Beyond the shared spaces that hold it together, the relationship is tested. And sometimes it simply does not stretch that far. And this is inevitable too.
Survival Friendships
Some beautiful friendships are formed from emotional timing, an imperative experience in a student’s life. During the first term, emotions are susceptible to a plethora of situations. It is undeniably a period of collective vulnerability. When everyone is searching for familiarity in unfamiliar places, people bond quickly, sometimes deeply, because they need to. These ‘survival friendships’ offer tranquillity and contentment when life gets overwhelming or mundane. As humans, settling and adapting are innate. As confidence grows and we settle into our rhythm, we may find the need for such support systems less imperative.
Breaking Out of Your Shell
Tuning into the topic of growth and self-reliance, university is a phase that transforms people. Fresh ideas, experiences, and ambitions restructure identities often. Thus, two people who initially flowed on the same wavelength may drift apart and find their own paths that no longer run in parallel directions. This divergence is far from dramatic, rather subtle and gradual. Conversations begin to feel less natural, as priorities and goals constantly shift, causing the friendship to loosen.
It is equally important to address coping mechanisms. These endings are intensified by the lack of closure that occurs as a result of the divergence. The absence of arguments or conversations might leave people questioning themselves and their actions. But not every ending requires an explanation, either. Some friendships complete their purpose, leaving behind lessons and memories that were pivotal for our character and emotional development at that time.
Transience Is Not Insignificance
Embracing these nuances can be freeing, as it allows us to appreciate the gift of friendship for what it was, rather than what it did not become, for that is beyond our control. A friendship that may have lasted a single term could have helped us overcome fears, heal our traumas, learn new skills, survive difficult transitions, and analyse worldly things from interesting perspectives. These experiences do not disappear simply because the friendship did, and that is the most beautiful aspect of it. In a culture fixated with permanence, recognising that transience does not equal insignificance can be momentous.
Some friendships are chapters, not the entire story, and sometimes, a single chapter is enough to make a lasting mark.
Image: Elina Fairytale via Pexels
