In late October, Chanté Joseph asked the world “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing now?”. This simple question launched the internet into an intense and passionate debate. While some celebrated dancing to ABBA on Tik Tok or lip syncing ‘War is over’ in response to this revelation, others jumped to the defence of their partners and publicly displayed their undying love or even felt personally attacked by Vogue and expressed anger and offense. 

If you have not read this article (which you certainly should), the journalist takes on a witty humorous tone and dissects the modern perspective shift of heterosexual relationships. At first she discusses the preference of hiding relationships on social media instead of undergoing a hard launch, but then later delves into the idea that a relationship is no longer a necessary requirement for a woman in society. While previously a boyfriend was seen as an achievement and even a necessary requirement in a woman’s life, in modern day society a relationship no longer has this aspect of automatic gratification. We no longer need a husband to have access to a credit card, and having a partner is no longer the aesthetic it once was. When reading the article, it is obvious that Chanté Joseph is not bitter or jealous of people in love, and she certainly does not believe being in a beneficial equal partnership is embarrassing. Instead, she simply expresses that just as a relationship can benefit and enrich your life it can just as equally take away and hinder your wellbeing. 

When analysing the articles online reception, it becomes clear that some of those expressing judgement and opinion on the piece have not actually read the article or, if they have, their preconceptions or own insecurities have infected their perspective. I would even argue that many of these criticisms actually provide evidence for the journalist’s argument. In my opinion the happy couples declaring that they don’t find their love embarrassing have missed the main point of the article. Sure, they can hard launch and not be ashamed but a short video of you and your boyfriend dramatically kissing in the rain unfortunately does not prove you are both equally benefiting and enriching each other’s lives.

Furthermore, those who are offended by the article have likely been forced into an uncomfortable state of self-reflection which they would like to ignore. Chanté revealed that she received a mass of hate from heterosexual men in particular. Whether these men are current boyfriends or single, this display of hatred at the concept that they no longer possess an automatic advantage to woman exposes an insecurity of their own worth or value. It is not a radical idea that in a relationship there should be an equal benefit and contribution; I would even consider this a basic foundation of any kind of partnership. So, if this idea offends you, perhaps that is a personal issue you should handle rather than blaming those that point it out. The same idea can be applied to the girlfriends jumping to the defence of their partners. Chanté Jospeh did not personally attack or call anyone out, she simply described a shift in modern society, so if you felt uncomfortable reading this article, this could be because you see the effects of your own relationship presented. Subconsciously you may know you have gained your relationship at the expense of your hobbies, interest or even personality. There were plenty of women and people in relationships who understood and agreed with this article likely because they can say that they have managed to keep their own life and individuality while also maintaining a relationship.

 For me, one of the most important lines of the article was “As straight women we’re confronting something that every other sexuality has had to contend with: a politicisation of our identity. We’re being forced to re-evaluate our blind allegiance to heterosexuality”. This quotation encapsulates the idea that Chanté Joseph is not running a smear campaign against love but is highlighting the importance of standards and equality in relationships. In this society women have gained the ability to be selective about their partners and to understand they do not have to conform and be in relationship and that being single is no longer a weakness.