Those New Year’s Resolutions

Our editorial staff reveal their promises

Mr Cuddles the Cat (Editor-In-Chief): To get you to piss off – status: FAILED

Sheridan Uppity-Phlipfile (Durham Correspondent): To stop talking to myself – status: FAILED

Olivia Pryer (National Correspondent): To give up alcohol – status: FAILED

Abraham Centworth (International Correspondent): To leave this godforsaken hellhole – status: FAILED

Esther Thetis (Culture Correspondent): To not make any New Year’s Resolutions – status: FAILED

Tony Louthan (Sports Correspondent): To write an article for you guys – status: FAILED

Cassandra Squall (Science Correspondent): um… – status: FAILED

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