The forgotten mascots

Remember these guys? No?

An interview with Wenlock and Mandeville, almost three months on from the closing ceremony of London 2012. I know, no one cares.

What have you guys been up to since the Olympic Games?

M: It’s been tough, work has been scarce. We thought we’d be guaranteed to be typecast for some other events at least.

W: I’m A Celebrity, pantomimes, turning Christmas lights on, no calls.

Have you thought about going into different fields?

W: I thought we had it covered, Seb and Dave talking about legacy. Turns out we weren’t part of it.

M: We’ve considered playing roles in Greek mythology plays but there just doesn’t seem to be the demand. We also tried our hand at busking in the underground but our licence was revoked as Wenlock was still trying to use his free oyster card from the summer.

W: And the only song we knew was Chariots of Fire.

Do you think you’ve outgrown your partnership? Perhaps you’ll go your separate ways?

W: Did you hear what happened to Bodger and Badger!?

M: I believe that was down to the cull, Wenlock, it wasn’t a career choice.

W: So you’re saying we should split up?

M: No, no. Two eyes are better than one!

Have you been invited to attend Rio 2016?

M: We hope there’ll be some sort of handover ceremony to the new mascots.

W: I wouldn’t be surprised if our invites got lost in the post though, like they did for Children In Need.

Are there any celebrities you’ve kept in touch with since the games?

M: Danny Boyle tweeted us… but it was mainly abuse. Apparently we weren’t in keeping with the theme of his opening ceremony.

W: But Mr. Bean was?

M: The man is a national treasure!

W: John Inverdale was keen to get in touch but we cut him off, he was ruining our image.

And any athletes?

W: Got a few numbers from the Swedish handball girls.

M: I think they were wrong numbers. I, on the other hand, am in touch with a Belarusian rifle shooter called Sergei, with whom I regularly exchange emails about fishing.

What are your fondest memories of London 2012?

M: Clare Balding. Without a doubt.

W: Mad on Clare B, you know she invented the Mobot?

M: Living legend.

Christmas is coming up, did you not consider a Christmas single?

M: It would be to the tune of Chariots of Fire…

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