Missing in Action

Is this the way a snowman crumbles?

Unconfirmed reports suggest a kidnapping took place on Wednesday 23rd January, in the grounds of St Mary’s College. Though the details are hazy, eyewitnesses state that they saw a snowman on Wednesday afternoon, sharing afternoon tea with some snowfriends nearby. By Thursday morning, he had gone, leaving just a small pile of snow behind. Hearing rumours of this mystifying disappearance, I headed to the college and caught up with one of the many inconsolable Marians who were found sobbing at the scene of the crime at breakfast time on Thursday.

‘Yes I saw him,’ she sobbed (one might add uncontrollably, but one would not like to judge). ‘He was an excellent specimen. Came up to my shoulder, a good portly size, clearly with an excellent appetite. His expression seemed a bit frosty at first, one might even say icy, but I’m sure he would have warmed up once you got talking ’. She added disconsolately, ‘Something I never got the opportunity to do…’

To try to cheer her up, I asked if she thought he might have gone to buy some Frosties for breakfast: ‘Oh no! Maybe he’s slipped on the ice and needs help!’ was her desperate reply. Clearly, crime scenes are not the place for Christmas cracker jokes. To make amends for my misjudged humour, I have had my scouts out all day, but there is no sign of him anywhere near Durham, not even in Gilesgate. It seems he truly has disappeared. Rest assured readers, I will keep looking into this perplexing mystery, and let you know anything more we uncover.

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