My Diss Might Be Rubbish and Other Worries – Your problems solved by Flipside’s residential agony aunt, Alex Kirk
I think my dissertation is rubbish and it’s in for two weeks, what should I do? Stressed, Van Mildert.
Make it better; if it won’t get better, just leave Durham and never return.
My boyfriend is really into other girls, how do I make him focus on me? Jealous, Aidan’s.
Be naked and smother yourself in Nutella; then everyone will be attracted to you.
I have had a long, passionate and secret affair with a senior lecturer over the past 4 years, what should I do after I graduate? Jesus, John’s.
1) Kill the partner and marry the lecturer
2) Continue being an adulterous playa – remember Ross and his student – it’s only frowned upon
3) Break it off and then write a sitcom about your experience and sell it to Channel 4 or HBO
I have no job prospects because I have been drunk for 3 years, how do I start out in the world? TC, Cuth’s.
Continue drinking and pray the gin never ends.
I am too attractive for my girlfriend, what do I do? Smoldering, Butler.
Get over yourself.
What’s a great opening line on Tinder? Desperate for a shag, Hild Bede.
‘I completed EY’s Cryptic Campus in 10 minutes’ works every time.
If you have any problems that you would like me solve, please send them to email@example.com where I will ignore them.