A plea for virtue

After meditating intensely on the matter, I have decided to take the higher road and forgive my fellow human beings for the lack of appreciation amongst the general public of the significance of my ascension to the editorial throne last week. No man is an island, so when I am faced is faced directly with the shortcomings of my fellow members of species, I have taken to seeking guidance in conference with my peers in spirit and intellect.

I therefore consulted the writings of Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Kant and Jesus. I feel no shame in admitting that men such as these match and even in some instances exceed my abilities of enlightened thought and virtuous deeds. My conclusion from my consultation is that it serves no purpose fostering indignation towards acts that are rooted in ignorance rather than ill will; one must forgive those who merely do not know better and focus one’s endeavours to guide them on the righteous path.

A part of this is recognizing that in the last week there have been news that might have occupied the limited cognitive capacities of the average human, for instance the so-called ‘scandal’ of a Canadian mayor smoking a bit of crack will undoubtedly have invaded some of the space at the front of your conscious awareness.

Personally, I do not fathom what people are so upset about, as I understand better than most that we who are burdened with the responsibility of great wisdom and the troublesome task of conveying our insights to lesser humans can benefit greatly from indulging in some psychoactive substances from time to time.

In fact, many of the most inspired observations and musings presented in my forthcoming memoirs (working title: “How I became me – a journey towards perfection”) owe a great deal of their depth and clarity to a potent mixture of cannabinoids, LSD and Pritt Glue Sticks.

I should therefore advocate that you follow my virtuous example and forgive the man.

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