What the world needs

Are you wondering what to get your family or friends for Christmas? Flipside comes to the rescue once again, as I have figured out how you can fulfil the needs of your close ones and make the world a better place at the same time.

My idea is based on an epiphany I had the other day while gently sipping my daily cup of oolong tea : it occurred to me that I on a daily basis propose a large number predictions, assumptions, or general statements that turn out to correspond strikingly well with factual realities, i.e. I habitually spend a lot of time being right. It is a testament to my humility that I’ve been able to go through life without acknowledging this fact.

My extensive readings in Oriental philosophy have however lead me to see the interrelatedness of all things, prompting the conclusion that me being right as a phenomenon is necessarily contingent on others being wrong. Since my estimates show that I’m basically right all the time, this would also mean that other people are wrong quite a lot. In a society where knowledge is the key to both progress and personal well-being, this is highly disturbing and needs to be remedied.

I have therefore decided to set up an intellectual charity called ‘Treat Wrongness, Advance Thinking’ (TWAT); a non-profit endeavour for the betterment of humanity through revealing to people how right I am.

It works like this: you book a session for yourself or a friend or family member who will then be subjected to a lengthy exposition of how I am right, and by implication, how they are wrong. After being given the TWAT-treatment the subject will have reached new levels of knowledge and he or she will consequently have taken one step closer to peace of mind. More importantly, society will have gained a more enlightened member and the future seems just a little bit brighter.

In order to keep the charity going, there will be a fee of 20£ per session. Rest assured, all payments and donations will be spent directly on maintaining and promoting my intellectual superiority through ensuring that there’s steady flow of of spiritually stimulating Islay Whisky running down the esophagus of yours truly.

Help make the world a better place and book your loved ones a TWAT-session for Christmas.

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