Day 94 in the Papal Conclave and most of the priests are gathered in the Sistine Chapel. Marc Ouellet is in the diary room.
“I just can’t do it anymore. We’ve been here for 94 days and it’s driving me insane. I think Archbishop Scola has stolen some of my milk, and no one’s been to the shops in two weeks.”
Big Brother has given the Sistine Chapel a package. It’s a replica of the Virgin Mary.
“Oh, great,” says Peter Turkson, “we can put it next to the other 93 you’ve given us.”
Black smoke again appears over the Vatican. They ran out of wood 17 days ago. No one has seen Leonardo Sandri in 16 days.