An Internet Junkie’s Guide to Thriving in Social Media

In the internet, everyone can hear you scream

Disclaimer: This guide is in no way responsible for any cases of social media neurosis or paranoia. If you feel you may be suffering from the symptoms, consult the internet immediately for a self-diagnosis.

Follow these simple steps to get the most out of social media forums:

A stranger is a friend you just haven’t met yet! Therefore add (good-looking) people at will.

Contrary to what MTV says, Catfish are a myth – a cat AND a fish?! That’s just plain silly.

How many times can you refresh a page to see if someone has replied to you? How long is a piece of string?

Your popularity is measured in ‘likes’. Give yourself a head-start and ‘like’ all your own posts.

#thereisnophrasetoolongorelaborateorlongtohashtag

Change your profile picture as often as you change your underwear, if you find no one is visiting your profile, you should probably change your underwear.

In order to make sure your profile is friendly to future employers, consider photoshopping them into your profile or listing that you already have the job.

If updating one profile isn’t enough to fill your time, why not set up a profile for each of your pets? Friends will find it compelling and, if executed well, will never suspect you’re behind the ruse.

Finally, remember to ‘Google’ yourself on a regular basis to make sure you’re reaching a wider audience than just your cat.

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