A Finalist’s Guide: Surviving the library

There’s no shame in hiding

In your procrastination, you have arrived here yes? Well, please do carry on, but I strongly suggest you return here as a source of much sought after advice when The Fear sets in. And do not kid yourself that The Fear won’t come a-knocking because it is that naïve denial that shaves your all-nighter down by several precious minutes.

The first rule of survival in the library is remembering your campus card, if you fail at this then there are other alternatives. Make sure you have a supply of cigarettes or money to barter with smokers and cashless YUM customers for their campus cards.

Now you’re in, you need a seat. If you are after a place in the computer room with wheelie office chairs, use the spin and roll away method on an unsuspecting (light-looking) student. In a room where the chairs are wheel-less you will have to annoy someone enough to get them to move: narrate their every move till you get their spot. Think more ‘How I Met Your Mother’ than David Attenborough as we all know we want David to be the soundtrack to our lives – you know, you joined the Facebook group.

When boredom strikes, as it most definitely will, try a few light-hearted games with the surrounding library goers. ‘Duck, duck, goose’ is a favourite and can also prove a riskier tool in getting a seat.

Spending time in the library can often mean spending less time with your few friends; if you’re missing your social life then try eavesdropping in the mobile-friendly stairwell. xoxo gossip girl.

In need of a reference book that you can’t smuggle out of the library? Fear not, put it in the Geology section, no one will go there; it’ll be there when you return.

If you find people near you being irritating by stage whispering then simply join in in complete gibberish and they will soon move away from the foreign person.

Caught the eye of an attractive Arts student in the library? There is no point wasting time in posting it on the internet for them to stumble upon: write them a love letter and throw it over in a paper plane. If it doesn’t reach them and falls to a less attractive scientist then make a swift escape.

Duh-duh! Your laptop makes a dramatic, (and in your low energy state) pathetic battery low noise, but there’s no plug socket around… Apply for Serious Adverse Circumstances, there is no other saviour.

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