Meet the Candidates – Bubble Style

The Candidates 2011.

This article contains spoilers regarding the first two episodes.

Reviewing all the candidates isn’t easy. However the nature of this article is meant to be slightly jovial and the predictions I give are probably based on personal taste regarding how cute/funny/fiery I deem the candidates to be. Feel free to leave your own personal predictions at the bottom of the page.

Leon Doyle: 26 years old but looks about 12. Has already encountered Lord Sugar in the boardroom twice and escaped by the skin of his teeth. Says that he grew up doing paper-rounds but sounds more like his daddy is a Conservative MP. Tends to gad about like one of the lads. Verdict: Mid-Way Mediocrity.

Alex Britez Cabral: Has sadly already been fired but provided little entertainment other than cutting bread and putting on a Welsh accent. Was a feisty customer in the boardroom but his lurking in the shadows for two weeks did not impressive the Boss. Verdict: Don’t Quit the Day Job.

Melody Hossaini: Claims to fame include working for the Dalai Lama and boasts a “Woman of the Future” award, whatever that involves. Has proven she can run a tight ship but looks like she could potentially inaugurate a massive cat fight when she wants to. Verdict: One to Watch.

Felicity Jackson: Has a name like an Austin Powers Babe and prides herself on producing a good “App”. Can definitely talk the talk but has not been involved enough to merit a satisfying verdict as yet. Verdict: Mid-Way Mediocrity.

Edna Agbarha: Professionally a Business Psychologist which presumably means that there is some sort of hypnotic effect behind those black gloves. Already a developing animosity between her and Susan. Feels as if she could pull a few surprises. Mid-Way Mediocrity.

Susan Ma: The youngest person in the contest but a completely different kettle of fish (or field of ponies) to Stuart Bragg. Has an interesting spark but seems somewhat intimidated by the older women around her. Very good at explaining ideas. Verdict: One to Watch.

Ellie Reed: A proper Northerner with a kick-ass Yorkshire accent. Sounds like she should be selling pies on a street in Barnsley but certainly seems to have the temperament to do well. Too early to make a judgment but definitely don’t write this one off; yet. Verdict: Mid-Way Mediocrity.

Helen Louise Milligan: Sounded on the audition tapes as if she would have no moral objection in stealing a bunch of nursery children’s snacks at break-time but always seems ready to get involved and actually seems a good team-player with the ability to lead. Verdict: One To Watch.

Natasha Scribbins: If this candidate has done anything yet I haven’t noticed it. Could perk up but until she does, the future seems bleak. Verdict: Don’t Quit the Day Job.

Vincent Disneur: Sounds (and indeed looks) like he should be selling second grade scent to punters in Birmingham but for some unbeknown reason has a certain charm that makes ladies swoon. Still, he does a terrible pitch and owns an awful pair of shoes. Verdict: Mid-Way Mediocrity.

Jim Eastwood: Has already gained legendary status via his antics in the boardroom which have led some to believe he has secret Jedi powers. If the contest was run on the public vote he would have probably won already, but time will show if Jim really is the real deal. Verdict: One to Watch.

Edward Hunter: We only viewed him for an hour, and what a painful hour that was. He, for very valid reasons, was trying to rid himself of the accountant label, but it only resulted in a chronic case of Little-Man syndrome. Verdict: Don’t Quit the Day Job.

Gavin Winstanley: Has a rather strange tendency to demand to know the qualifications of anyone putting themselves forward for team leader without actually stepping up himself. Despite this, he would appear to be the one who gets stuck in, and doubtless Alan Sugar could like this. Verdict: Mid-Way Mediocrity.

Tom Pellereau: Described by Karen Brady as a “genuinely nice guy” and we could hardly complain. The kind of boy your mum would want you to bring home for tea. Despite his lovely demeanour and charming smile one senses the true “core” of an apprentice. Just stay away from those traffic lights. Verdict: One to Watch.

Glenn Ward: The design engineer who designed the app that sent the boys on the way to failure. Didn’t really stick up for himself too much in the boardroom and despite some good involvement, one suspects that his days are numbered. Verdict: Don’t Quit the Day Job.

Zoe Beresford: According to the BBC. “Describes her attitude as not ‘why’ but ‘why not’. I suppose the question therefore is. “WHY NOT DO SOMETHING?” Verdict: Don’t Quit the Day Job.

The Apprentice continues on Wednesday at 9pm on BBC 1.

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