It’s common knowledge that the only way to survive library marathons and summative stress is through the constant consumption of food. Snacking is an essential part of summative season: your degree might be making you feeling like you’ve bitten off more than you can chew, but hit the snacks and you’ll be powering through your essays like The Rock powering through 21 brownies, 4 pizzas and 12 pancakes. What you may not be aware of is that your choice of brain food actually says a lot about your personality. And so, we’re about to spill the beans on what your summative snack says about you….
If you like to mindlessly munch your way through an entire tube of these delicious crisps (that suspiciously only have a 42% potato content), then you inevitably have a highly addictive personality. You can’t stay away from your ex. You can’t say no to the sesh. You’re struggling to stop binge watching Love Is Blind on Netflix. One minute the Pringles are there, the next you’ve got a hollow tube. Once you pop, you can’t stop.
First of all, why would you choose a compilation of bird food resembling chunks over something far more rewarding and delicious? Choosing to eat nuts, seeds and miscellaneous dried fruit is a sad cry for help. Just as you are indecisive in life, you’re split between wanting to convince yourself you’re being healthy, whilst shovelling handfuls of miserable ‘mixed berry medley’ into your mouth.
The humble and respectful snack of the Gods. A snack that everyone can get behind: the extensive range available makes chocolate comfortingly inclusive. Dark or milk, Snickers or Wispa- there’s a chocolate out there for everyone. Like the beloved cocoa bean, you’re unjudgmental and kind. You take pleasure in the simple things in life and find comfort in the little things, like deconstructing a KitKat the Khloe Kardashian way.
Toast takes time. Anything on toast takes even longer. We all know that toaster seconds and microwave minutes are scientifically proven to be longer. Toast snackers are prime procrastinators: as your toast is toasting and time ticks away, you inevitably stand around scrolling through Instagram, waiting for the satisfying ping to awaken you from your state of indolence. Whilst those precious minutes could have been spent writing your summative, the rewarding sensation of hot food was probably worth the sacrifice.
We all know that anyone that eats hummus won’t stop talking about it. Hummus has become a religion- we even have an entire society dedicated to the blended pot of chunky chickpeas. Loyal hummus devotees are often dramatic and extroverted characters; they’re desperate to tell you about how they got with this guy this one time; about how they got cheated on last week but they’re already missing their ex; how amazingly superior beetroot hummus is to the red pepper one. Cool story, but I don’t care.
Anything from the Library Café
Dedicated. Hardworking. Purposeful. You make the effort to walk yourself to the library to study, and study hard. Or that’s what you tell yourself. In reality, your lack of snack preparation exposes how disorganised you are. You have deadlines up to your ears and a Billy B breakdown pending. But if you’re going to get anything from the Library Cafe, if you go for a pre-packaged sandwich over a toastie, you’re a certified psychopath.
You may now officially be a university student, but that doesn’t mean you ever grew up. The crunchy nostalgia of cereal takes you back to the comforting womb of childhood: you’re yet to move past the phase of immaturity. Cereal snackers are the kind of people who are still hung up on Vines and ‘that’s what she said’ jokes. But although cereal is delicious to begin with, the bottom of the bowl is a soggy coagulation: being immature is fun, but underneath lies a confused and sloppy mess.
Two words. Chaotic evil.