The 10 commandments of an introvert’s world: lockdown 2020-2021

The pre-pandemic world was designed for extroverts: nightclubs, parties, the expectation to get dressed and see other humans on a daily basis, the list goes on. However, the stay-at-home order of March 2020 flipped the order on its head. Now, as we progress along the roadmap out of the pandemic, some of us introverts are realising that we might actually miss lockdown. I now present to you 10 things that I will miss about lockdown, otherwise known as the introverts’ or lazy people’s 10 commandments.

1. In lockdown, one does not wear trousers with a zip. When you are on a Zoom call people can only see you from the waist up, sometimes, with strategic camera angling even from shoulders up. Therefore, it is unnecessary, or by these commandments, forbidden to wear trousers with a zip. Acceptable attire involves a smart top and leggings/sweatpants/the bottom half of a two-man cow costume (the top half is in lockdown on the other side of the country). If it has an elasticated waist, it is allowed.

2. In lockdown, not going to the gym is standard. Dear societal norms and diet culture, I am not neglecting my body. The gyms aren’t open and I neither have the money nor energy to invest in at-home equipment. Sincerely, self-proclaimed lazy person.

3. In lockdown, staying at home and watching TV is not only acceptable, but encouraged. I binge-watched Bridgerton in the space of two days, not because I am too lazy to do anything else. No, I did it to save lives.

4. In lockdown, spending time walking to places is not necessary. Gone are the 30-minute walks between Gilesgate and the Billy B. This gives you a whole hour (maybe two if you’re disorganised and leave your laptop charger at home) to actually do the work. Or more realistically watch another episode of Bridgerton.

5. In lockdown, putting on makeup is recognised as the achievement it actually is. It takes time, effort and creativity to apply a full face of makeup. In the pre-pandemic life this is expected. In lockdown, it is praised. I’m wearing eyeshadow right now, therefore I am Picasso. Get me a gallery.

6. In lockdown, not having been on a date in a year is not a sign of loneliness, but a sign of precaution. Did you know that when you go on a date with someone you are essentially going on a date with their entire social bubble? It doesn’t even need to be your date who tests positive, you still have the potential to get it or pass it on. Such a good excuse. Works so much better than the simple ‘I can’t be bothered’. Makes you come off better too. The bonuses are endless.

7. In lockdown, there is a plethora of legitimate reasons to escape socialising. Firstly, most socialising takes place online during lockdown. All that potential for internet problems, sound problems, randomly cutting out of the Zoom call. Nobody needs to know that you weren’t bothered and just hung up. And if we may return to dating for a second, ‘you seem great but I don’t want to have a first date over Zoom. You see, for me the connection should be between people, not about the Wifi’.

8. In lockdown, the rules of time do not apply. 9pm is not too early to be in bed. 1pm is not too late to wake up. Nor is it too early to start drinking if that is your wish. Lockdown rules are like airport rules. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere!

9. In lockdown, your weekly screen time isn’t so bad anymore. Gone are the days when spending 8 hours a day on your laptop is something to feel guilty about. With the Zoom lectures, Zoom cocktail evening, other hours of unnecessary online shopping or just the normal binge-watching session on Netflix, it’s all part of the charm.

10. In lockdown, you don’t need to explain away your anxiety, everyone just gets it. Social situations can be extremely anxiety-inducing. Think about a nightclub. There is so much to be anxious about; the people, getting separated from your friends, the people, your phone dying so you can’t order an uber back, the people, have I mentioned the people? In the pre-pandemic era I found myself having to justify my anxiety. In lockdown however, ‘I’m feeling anxious’ is a whole statement in itself. Have we realised that anxiety does not need a reason? Stay tuned after lockdown to find out.

So, there we have it, the introvert’s 10 commandments of lockdown. Who knows, maybe we’ll miss these so much that we make a collective effort to make them acceptable in an extrovert’s world. If you need me, I’ll be in the Swan wearing the bottom half of that two-man cow costume. But please be aware that as an introvert, I don’t want to talk to a stranger about it.

Featured image by freestocks.org available on Flickr.

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