Time with him tastes like drinking coffee in the passenger lounge,
Getting and leaving.
All my stories are about leaving,
So we really should have known.
He put his body on the table,
Leaving me tired from wanting at 6am.
Dawn broke and shattered.
Now there are too many faces,
I don’t know where I’m going.
Alone on the district line home,
Alone, all in my head,
Alone, I search history to find myself
A homesick nostalgic,
Searching through morning mist for
A feeling that can’t be located or pinpointed.
Drinking coffee at midnight,
With such feeble thoughts as only
Midnight pathos can distil after a night of inaction,
I feign a smile
With my head on his belly,
My thoughts getting heavy.
At this rate of earth decay,
The world will end in an hour.
In this waning winter sun
That shines obliquely across the skylight
I wanted to break out and key cars
On suburban lawns.
But this boy hasn’t got much to do
Except sleep through ethics school.
If I dreamt enough
I swear I would wake up next to him,
And not sleep in shades of endless dark-
But he won’t go out and feel the night.
So, I continue dancing behind a mask.
They said don’t ever doubt this, that steadfast conviction,
But what if love is not meant for me?