I am the moon  

but instead of the moon moon    I am a dirty mirror moon    A sticky toffee pudding moon   with forbidden decadence                 

     A painful moon with a painful moon heart

                                               and in pain          in cries     

for new stars around me                 in desperation for my old

      but desperate for the new       

I will never see love clouds I will never see love winds

I will never see love thunder I will never see love rain

I will never see love moulding into an eternal amethyst around me and forcing itself past my moon ribs and into my moon heart and catching my moon brain I’ve so carefully protected from other unprecious stones and holding my moon hands

So instead     I will call upon      the blood tides     to wreck 

    to    suffer   for the sufferers   to wail   to stomp         

I will blow away the meteorites into hellholes       far away from my moonself

                  my moonness will be mean   

                                            it will be a cruel white round of hurt     

and truths    I will not repeat to anyone else

Alone    I will be a happy moon    a proper moon moon    with lilac craters       yellow rocks     

and hated gravities               brilliant moon             brilliant me