Nice, Sweet and Cute

The “friend zone” – an inescapable prison for “nice” guys…

Imagine the following scenario: you’re on what you believe to be a date, all seems to be going well. She’s laughing at your jokes, there’s an endless stream of conversation between the two of you, but suddenly you hear a few words that act as a verbal chastity belt: “You’re so sweet.” These words are like a shot to the heart, she’s to blame and not only does it give love a bad name, but it shatters your self esteem and confidence. “Nice”, “sweet” and “cute” are in my opinion the three worst adjectives in the English language because they signal the ruin of any chances you had for sexual intimacy. These three adjectives, which are often perceived positively, are in fact quite the opposite. It goes without saying that this article does not stem from any deep set personal issues I have had with these three AWFUL words, and I haven’t been rejected by someone I loved who used these words. Just so we’re clear.

There are several synonymous words that people use when describing people. “Bubbly” means fat, “lovely” means ugly and “athletic” means butch. But what does “nice” mean?

“Nice” actually means boring. You racked your brain for a better word to describe them, but the cupboard was bare. Since they are so unbelievably boring and lacking in any sort of character, you had to resort to the non-offensive and non-descriptive word “nice”. I would genuinely prefer to be called a bastard than “nice”, as at least bastards are memorable. When a women uses “nice” as the first adjective to describe an unknown man to their friend – it subconsciously indicates that he is, in fact, boring and will be unable to entertain and satisfy her. Think about it, no one fancies Brad Pitt and George Clooney because they are nice men; women around the globe lust after them for their good looks, charm and outstanding hair. Not unlike myself.

For me “sweet” and “cute” belong in the same inane category as “nice”, but for a different reason. My problem with these two words, is like “nice”, they initially sound positive but are only ever used to describe people in the “friend zone”. The “friend zone” is a place worse then an eternity spent in Guantánamo Bay, sharing a cell with Noel Edmonds and Graham Norton. A girl that you fancy telling you that she just wants to be friends is a bit like watching women’s body-building; it’s disgusting, wrong, and it makes you feel inadequate. Being in the friend zone is worse than being rejected for being disliked, because it shows that despite your feelings toward her, she feels absolutely nothing sexual toward you. Not at all. “Sweet” and “cute” are the keys that lock you in the friend zone, and once there, it’s frankly more trouble than its worth trying to get out of it.

If you ever hear these words used to describe you, you know you are in trouble. If you are “nice”, then you need to get a personality. If you are “sweet” or “cute”, then you need to start being a little less friendly and more “boyfriendly” – I guess by being a bit more of a bastard. That’s how Attila the Hun got all the ladies. But ladies, be aware that by using these words, you bring more pain to men than any of the contraptions in the Saw films. If you do use these words to signal that your only intention is friendship, then don’t go on what is obviously a date with that person. It is to be noted finally, however, that the use of the words in a relationship is fine, as there isn’t a possibility of you being in the friend zone, but I would personally prefer to be called “awesome” or “legendary” than “cute”. Just saying…

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