A weathergirl was burnt yesterday on the Quantock Hills by the agents of the Inquisition for successfully predicting the weather.
“I just did it for a joke,” said Sandy Mackey (26), weathergirl for the local radio station Quantock FM, as she stood on the bonfire. “I mean, what’s the likelihood of the sun shining in October?”
Agents of the Inquisition were called to the sleepy village of Cookercombe on Monday after residents noted that the day’s unusual weather was mirroring precisely the predictions of Ms Mackey, delivered in a state of relative inebriation in the local public house the night before. Upon arrival, the Inquisition swiftly apprehended Ms Mackey, found her guilty of cavorting with demonic powers and sentenced her to be burnt at the stake.
“It was uncanny,” said Mr Tothbargum, a local resident who was present at Ms Mackey’s predictions. “She was rather drunk at the time, so we paid her no notice. But next morning, I awoke to find the sky this curious colour. It was sort of not red, and not yellow, and, you know, it’s really quite impossible to describe. It certainly wasn’t grey. And there was this funny round yellow thing, bit like an egg yolk, hanging up there. It must have been a fried egg, because it was hot. Most unnatural.”
The Inquisition agents refused to answer any questions but issued this statement: “Anyone who thinks about mentioning any expectations about the Inquisition, Spanish or otherwise, is going to get a ruddy good boot up the backside.”
As it was, Ms Mackey later confessed to all counts of witchcraft, as well as to being guilty of the assassination of Kennedy, every theft of the Mona Lisa ever and throwing stones at the Christmas decorations in Harrods.