Metal Christmas presents

‘What’s this?!’ I hear you ask with slight sneer. ‘Another article about Christmas presents?’. Some may simply dismiss this as lazy writing but the fact of the matter is that Christmas is awesome should be written about extensively (also, I’m the editor meaning I can do whatever I want and if you have a problem with that please email your complaints to sodoff@youcunt.com).

Anyway, this instalment in our series of Christmas gift recommendations is built on the premise that even though Christmas is all jolly and cosy and stuff, there’s no reason why it can’t be a little bit metal as well. Here are a few suggestions for what you can get your headbanging friends.

A drinking horn

Most metalheads nurture a healthy fascination for the act of drinking beer, and the most metal way of drinking beer is from a horn. To add a personal touch to the gift, the horn should preferably come from an animal you killed with your own bare hands.

A chainmail tie

A tie that in a literal sense is infinitely more metal what people usually tie around their necks nowadays. Unless you’re a proficient blacksmith, you can acquire one of these beauties in the indoor market.

A hat made out of a stuffed owl

I’m not even going to try and explain this one using words, just have a look at this picture and you will undoubtedly see the appeal. Might be a bit hard to wrap, though.

A goat

Because goats are metal. Period. And behind the brutal exterior of every metalhead there’s a soft nurturing soul that would thrive by caring for and raising a baby goat.

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