How to live during summative season

A guide

These are hard times indeed, with summative deadlines piling up faster than vomit outside Klute on Friday, and the quality of everyone’s spirit, will to live and ability to come up with creative analogies suffers accordingly. Being the selfless angels of divine light and goodness that we are, we at Flipside have decided to provide you all with a handy guide explaining how to deal with aspects of everyday life that become insurmountable obstacles when trapped in the prison of never-ending work that surround your lives at the moment.

Food: The key here is to minimize both shopping and preparation effort. After consulting with our inhouse nutritional expert, we have concluded that it is perfectly possible to maintain a healthy body and mind on a diet consisting exclusively on chocolate and cheese.

Exercise: Whenever hitting a wall in your writing, go to the nearest physical wall and bang your head into it repeatedly. Alternatively, run around your house while screaming at the top of your lungs for a minute or three. Either of these is bound to relieve the stress and get your pulse up. For best result, combine the two by running into walls while screaming.

Social life: Your interaction to other people should be limited to randomly running into your housemates. When these meetings occur, you should both take the opportunity to vent your frustration by screaming aloud at each other for five to ten seconds, before returning to your respective enclaves of suffering and doom.

Hygiene: Rub some of the leftover breakfast cheese onto your entire body and find a goat. The goat’s rough tongue will provide a good, thorough clean. Shaving your head should remove the need to wash your hair.

You should now be fully prepared to deal with the shitstorm of work that is descending upon you like a tsunami of raging boners, good luck to you all!

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