Editorial

He never cries over spilt milk

And that’s another one to add to the list. I can’t believe it: it’s already seventeen pages long. I try to cut it down wherever possible, but it just keeps on growing. I mean, no matter how many I kill off, someone else just keeps on popping up, it’s outrageous, I…

Oh, hello; I didn’t see you there. I’ll just put this back in the drawer.

So, what’s been in the news this week: Wate is having a baby, or is it Kill’s? I don’t understand these name mash-ups at all. Now, I’m not a big fan of children – personally, I prefer a big bucket of chicken – but I can understand why they appeal to some people. I guess it’s nice having someone to order around and worship your every footfall – I should know – but it’s the noise, and work, that I don’t get. No bottle of whisky ever got me out of bed at three in the morning. Well, apart from that one time in Tenerife – that was a wild night.

Oh, and Leveson. To be honest, I still can’t see what the big fuss was all about. I mean, if anyone wants to listen to my answer phone messages, I’m perfectly happy to let them – saves me the hassle. Mostly, it’s just a load of heavy breathing and the occasional death threat. I mean, there was this one time I almost missed my mother’s funeral, but the people at News of the World let me know in time. And Lord Leveson expects that sort of top-notch service to stop? The man’s insane.

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