This isn’t another Grinch-incarnate style rant. I’m not rejoicing at the sounds of miserable school children trudging back to school through the early morning mists. Nor am I sitting in a big black swivel chair, stroking a cat, scheming to sabotage Santa’s sleigh and cancel Christmas next year. Anyway, if I really wanted to cancel Christmas I’d simply establish the OOEU (The Overworked and Oppressed Elf Union). Then, via a jocular yet informative PowerPoint Presentation, I’d encourage all the elves to strike in demand of higher pay, or any pay at all. Clearly this would be the most peaceful and diplomatic way of bringing about Christmas’ end.
That said I don’t want to end Christmas. I quite like Christmas. It’s not the same maelstrom of excitement and energy that it used to be. But for that I am only thankful. Those long sleepless Christmas Eve’s, spent wriggling around in bed, too excited to even close my eyes, were almost painful at times. Practically chewing my duvet as excitement levels went beyond anything the human body could physically take. Now Christmas is a much more level emotional playing field. A relaxing mixture of contentment, enjoyment and a sprinkling or respectable excitement.
However, I am can safely say I’m happy to see that back of the festive period. The simple reason behind this satisfaction at a non-festive world is the distinct lack of festive food. The sheer amount of delicious and enticing foodstuffs that called out from the kitchen to be eaten at 10 minute intervals over the Christmas period is criminal. I was all to easy to seduce and at one stage I’m sure my blood iron levels were dangerously close to having a iron-stuffing imbalance. It was as I tucked into my third Toasted Turkey Trembler of the hour (an irresistible crispy ciabatta filled with succulent turkey, stuffing, cranberry, a little bit of sausage meat and some potatoes for good measure) that I realized it all had to stop. But there was no way the stoppage would come from me. For some reason, around Christmas time all self-restraint goes out the window. I allow myself to eat in scandalous abundance simply because ‘It’s Christmas’. This issue was far bigger than simple self-control. I resolved to stand firm and simply weather the delectable food storm, or Hurricane Gravy as it is officially known
So, having just about recovered from those dark, food-filled days I am happy to say I haven’t had a Toasted Turkey Trembler in over 3 weeks. Not because I didn’t want one. Just because they weren’t there to eat. Thanks for coming Christmas. Please don’t come back too soon.