A dynamically-packed planetary system with three super-Earths in its habitable zone

A layman’s guide

So, a force of scientists has re-analysed the newly released HARPS spectra for the low-mass star GJ 667C using the HARPS-TERRA software and has combined these Doppler measurements with those obtained from the PFS and HIRES spectrographs. Using Bayesian and periodogram-based methods, they re-assessed the number of candidates and evaluated the confidence of each detection to conclude that GJ 667C now has three super-Earths in its habitable zone.

This is a bit of a mouthful, so here’s a layman’s guide:

Imagine the star, GJ 667C, is a rather petite porn star by the name of Gloria Jayner (are you sure about this? – Ed.). Now, the three super-Earths are three male porn stars, say Tony, Eric and Ricardo (are you really sure about this? – Ed).

If they stay within a set distance, the so-called “habitable zone”, this remains soft-core; this is what we need for life (okay… – Ed.). If they drift away, there’s no film, and if they go too close, it becomes hard-core, with (don’t even think about elaborating – Ed.).

Now, because GJ is such a petite star, this is the maximum number of planets that be contained in the habitable zone before it becomes homosexual porn (all right, that’s it, terminate this piece right now! – Ed.)

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