Recommended Reading Conditions

Read this how you will.

The reader is advised to approach this piece in a clear and alert state of mind. Depressive moods and lingering worries can distract from the reading experience, as can any sense of elation or giddiness. Depending on their personal or professional circumstances, the reader may need to meditate for up to half an hour, go for a solitary walk, or enjoy a cup of herbal tea.

For optimal pleasure, it is recommended that this piece be read on paper. Should a paper version not be available, computer screens, electronic books or mobile telecommunications devices fitted with appropriate reading formats will perform the same function, but with a certain lessening of reading pleasure, as the reader’s eyes will tire from absorbing light from the screen. This is inevitable. We apologise for any inconvenience.

Studies have shown that this piece is best enjoyed when accompanied by music. This can be either recorded or played by one or more musicians performing in the vicinity of where the piece is being read. The available data indicates that more mellow pieces produce the best results, with “The Well-Tempered Clavier”, Art Pepper’s version of “You’d Be So Nice To Come Home To” and “See Emily Play” all reported to be particularly effective. Drum n’ bass, electric-period Miles Davis, “Abba Gold: Greatest Hits”, and anything by Karl-Heinz Stockhausen were all rated less highly. We recommend that the reader experiment with different musical textures and moods, either by using an electronic or digital musical storage device with a shuffle function, or an ensemble of highly versatile musicians capable of playing a wide variety of pieces and of changing their repertoire at very short notice, in order to achieve the results which provide optimal personal satisfaction.

We strongly recommend that some light is used in the reading of this piece; failure to do so may severely compromise the reader’s enjoyment (if you are feeling or listening to this, feel free to ignore the preceding). The choice of natural or artificial light we regard as one for the reader, but we caution that they take into account such factors as the time at which the reading is to be engaged in, the availability of different light sources, the cost of electricity, and the increased risk of skin cancer caused by prolonged exposure to sunlight.

Due to the wide variety of locations at which this piece can be read, and the availability of so many possibilities for décor, exhaustive data for these factors has proved difficult to obtain. However, preliminary results indicate that relatively unobtrusive furniture and upholstery, with neutral wallpaper, paint or laminated pine, provide the most suitable environ. The same tests have also revealed that the reading experience is best enjoyed in temperatures between 34°C and −7°C (93°F to 19°F). We suggest the reader wear light clothing with relatively smooth textures (cotton, silk, satin, moleskin) and pastel colours, to avoid distraction.

Upon completion, it is suggested that the reader take a moment to absorb the central message of this piece.

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